He talked about the future so constantly and so specifically that I built my own entire emotional survival on the assumption that he believed in it.
And six months before he died, my son had sat on a bedroom floor and made his best friend promise what to wear to his funeral.
He Told the Room Why He Promised and It Was the Same Reason I Had Lied to Jack for Fourteen Months
“And I thought — if I don’t promise, he’s going to think I’m scared.”
He looked at that casket.
“I was scared.”
And the reason that specific sentence went through me like it did is that I had done the identical thing. For fourteen months I had sat in rooms with my child and performed confidence that I did not have, because I thought if he saw me scared it would be worse for him.
