I looked at the space beside him.
"I can't just get into bed beside you."
Staying would mean hearing that whenever I refused to pretend we were fine.
I took my pillow to the nursery and lay on the floor until the window turned gray.
***
Dana called the next day.
"I know a childminder who might have room for two babies," Dana said. "I'll call her. You call your boss."
And that's what I did.
I refused to pretend we were fine.
My manager offered three early shifts or longer evening shifts.
"Come see me on Thursday," he said.
Dana had an appointment Thursday.
Ryan would be home, so I asked him to watch the girls during my meeting.
"Sure," he said, looking at his phone. "No problem."
"Come see me on Thursday,"
He'd failed me as a husband.
I still hoped I could count on him as their father.