I Became a Surrogate for My Brother – When He Came to the Hospital for His Newborn Daughter, He Looked at Her and Said, 'I Can't Take This Baby Home'

My brother moved slowly, like a man walking through water. The nurse placed the swaddled bundle in his arms, and exited with the others to give us a moment. I watched my twin brother look down at his little girl for the first time.

And I watched his face change as he inspected her.

It wasn't joy. It wasn't even shock. It was something worse, something quiet, like a light going out behind his eyes. His shoulders dropped. His mouth opened, then closed.

"Ryan?" I said. "What is it? What's wrong?"

My brother didn't answer me. He kept staring at the baby, and then, very carefully, he shifted her in his arms and looked at her back.

Melissa was still crying happy tears, wiping her face with the corner of the hospital gown.

But Ryan didn't move toward his wife. He turned toward me instead, looking pale. He cleared his throat, and when he spoke, his voice came out flat and strange, as if it belonged to someone else.

"I'm sorry, but... I can't take her home."

The room became silent. I thought I'd misheard him.

"What did you just say?"

"Ryan, what are you talking about?" Melissa's smile was still frozen on her face, as if her brain hadn't caught up yet. "Give me the baby."

My brother looked at his wife. Then he looked at me. And then he said the words that broke everything.

"I'm sorry, but I have to give up the baby. I'm not taking her with me!"

And he placed her back in my arms.

I couldn't breathe. My body was still shaking from labor, and now my brother, my twin, my best friend, had just handed me his daughter as if she were a package delivered to the wrong address.

"Ryan, she's your daughter," I said, and I could hear my voice trembling. "What is going on?"

Melissa was out of her chair now, her hands out, tears in her eyes.

My brother wouldn't look at her. He kept his eyes on the floor, his face going that awful shade of red I recognized from when we were kids and he'd done something he couldn't take back.