"Nina."
Evan moved between us. "I'm sorry, Mom. He saw me."
She touched his arm. "It's all right."
"No, it isn't," he argued. "You said he was safer not knowing."
I stared at her. "Safer?"
Nina closed her eyes. When she opened them, tears shone in them. "Come inside."
The house smelled like tea, medicine, and lavender. Photos lined the hallway. Evan as a baby. Evan with missing front teeth. Evan holding a fishing rod. I was in none of them, yet my face appeared in every stage of his life.
Nina sat in an armchair by the window. Evan lingered near the kitchen until she gave him a gentle look.
"I'll be outside," he muttered.
When the door closed, silence filled the room.
"I looked for you," I said. "For months. For years."
"I know."
"How could you know?"
"Because I saw the flyers. I watched the interviews from motel televisions. I heard your voice asking people to help find me."
I sat across from her, shaking. "Then why didn't you come home?"
She pressed her fingers to her lips. "Because the night of our wedding, my father told me something he should have told me long before. He owed money. Not a little, Jasper. A dangerous amount. He had used my name on documents, forged signatures, and made promises to men who did not forgive."
I stared at her.
"They came to the hotel," she continued. "Before dawn. One of them was waiting near the ice machine when I stepped out because I couldn't sleep. He knew your name. He knew where your parents lived. He said if I stayed, they would collect through you."
"My God, Nina."
"I thought if I disappeared, they would stop looking at you. I thought I could fix it, or at least keep the danger away from you."
"You were pregnant?"
Her chin trembled. "I found out a few days later. I wanted to call you. I picked up the phones and put them down. I even wrote letters. Then Evan was born, and every choice became about keeping him breathing."
Anger rose in me, hot and wounded, but grief came faster.
"You let me mourn you," I whispered.
"I know," she cried. "There is no excuse that makes it kind. I was scared. Then I was ashamed. Then time became a wall I did not know how to climb."
I looked toward the porch, where Evan's shadow moved past the window.
