Instead, I walked over and hugged her.
“I’m sorry.”
Tessa stood stiffly for a second before hugging me back.
“For what?”
“For not being here enough.”
She pulled away and studied my face.
“Did Grandma yell at you?”
I laughed through my tears.
“No.”
“She kind of has a face that makes you feel yelled at.”
Nadine gasped behind us.
“Tessa!”
For the first time in two days, my daughter laughed.
Then I touched the short hair near her ear.
“So you really chose this?”
She nodded.
“Were you scared?”
“A little.”
“Do you miss it?”
She thought about that.
“Kind of.”
Then she glanced toward June, who was standing with her mother at the end of the hall.
“But she didn’t cry when she came to school today.”
I felt my eyes fill again.
“Tess, I’m so proud of you.”
She looked uncomfortable immediately.
“Mom.”
“I mean it.”
“Okay, but don’t make a speech.”
“No speech.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
We started walking toward the parking lot.
Halfway there, Tessa looked at me.
“Are you going to get in trouble at work?”
“Probably.”
Her face changed.
“Because you came here?”
“That’s not your problem.”
“But—”
“No.”
I stopped walking.
“Work is my responsibility. Being your mother is also my responsibility. I just got confused for a while about which one should always come first.”
She watched me carefully.
Then she said, “We have rehearsal Thursday.”
“I know.”
“You do?”
“I checked.”
A small smile appeared.
“It’s at five.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Like… actually there?”
That question hurt worse than everything else.
I squeezed her hand.
“Actually there.”
She leaned against my shoulder as we crossed the parking lot.
Her hair no longer reached my arm.
There was no heavy curtain of chestnut brown falling between us, no long braid swinging behind her.
For years, I had thought that hair was one of the most beautiful things about my daughter.
That night, I finally understood it wasn’t even close.
