I am sorry. It is not enough, and it will never be enough, but I have no larger words. I am sorry. I loved you before you were old enough to remember, and I loved you across all the years you never knew I was there, and I loved you most of all across these last few weeks, when I finally got to know the person you became in spite of me.
Live well. Be happy. Let yourself be loved by people who deserve you. And if you can find it in you, someday, to think of me without hatred, that is more than I asked for and more than I earned.
With all the love I was never allowed to give you,
Your Carl.
I do not know how long I sat on that floor. The tea went cold. The light moved across the room and faded. The lawyer waited, silent and patient, and at some point he came and sat on the floor beside me, an old man in his gray suit lowering himself down with difficulty, and he did not say anything, he simply stayed.
